Carrying the Invisible Weight: Understanding Mental Load
As summer fades and September brings a quicker pace, many parents find themselves swept up in the whirlwind of back-to-school. New schedules to manage, lunches to pack, homework routines to establish, and after-school activities to attend—it’s a lot to juggle on top of the daily responsibilities at work and home. Our mental load can feel pretty heavy.
What is our mental load?
Mental load refers to the invisible labour of planning, organizing and remembering everything that needs to get done.
Transitions are generally a time when stress can be amplified so with the new school year beginning, it’s natural to expect to be carrying a heavy mental load. Think of all the things you are keeping track of in your head. You’re updating calendars with school events and extracurriculars, organizing carpooling schedules, establishing morning and bedtime routines, balancing homework and free time, and supporting children emotionally as they adjust to all the newness. The tasks may seem small but amount to a substantial cognitive weight.
What does it feel like?
When the mental load you’re carrying is too much, you may feel irritable or overwhelmed by minor requests. You might have trouble falling asleep or wake up frequently. You might feel resentful toward your partner, co-parent or kids. And you might find it hard to enjoy family time because you’re busy thinking about the next task that needs your attention.
How to lighten the load?
Write Things Down
Share the Responsibility
Self-care
Writing things down frees up space in your working memory. Your brain can only keep track of so much at once. When you put things on paper, you clear some of the mental space that the to-do list takes up. Instead of relying on mental recall alone, you create a reliable record which helps to ensure you won’t forget anything. Writing things down makes it easier to prioritize tasks and helps you to recognize what matters most versus what can wait. Checking things off the list adds to your sense of control and accomplishment.
Sharing the responsibility doesn’t mean just dividing tasks between caregivers equally. It also means sharing the cognitive burden; dividing ownership of the invisible planning. This gets easier when each person owns entires tasks, e.g. whoever handles school lunches also does the shopping, meal-prepping and packing. Shared calendars and scheduling apps can help keep everyone on track. Checking in with each other at the end of the week will help rebalance tasks for the week to follow.
When we have a lot on our plates, self-care is often the first thing to get tossed out the window. It is important that we build in breaks and time for ourselves to recharge.
What if it’s not mental load but something else?
Sometimes, in spite of what we do to manage the mental load we carry, it can become too heavy to manage on our own. Some signs that you might be dealing with something more than a heavy mental load include:
Persistent anxiety or worry that feels hard to control
Intense sadness, hopelessness, or irritability
Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue
Emotional disconnection from interests and people
A sense that no amount of planning will be enough
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it might be more than just typical back-to-school stress. Therapy can help provide the right space to explore your emotions and learn healthier ways of coping. If you’re unsure about getting started, book a complimentary discovery call with one of our therapists and we’ll talk you through everything.
Connect with Us:
📍 Statera Therapy, 1-338 Dewitt Rd, Hamilton, ON L8E 2T2
📧 Info@stateraclinic.com
📞 (289) 204-8444
🌐 www.stateraclinic.com